Posted on Feb 4, 2016 in Blog |
It takes me awhile to process things. good or bad. I have to pull in and figure out the swirl in my head. The death of Tom Garell, the husband of my friend i never met Kari Garell, and my other friend i never met, Laurie Foley, entering hospice today, has me at “over my limit.” I know death is part of the process. in some ways, but it certainly doesn’t make it any easier for the ones dying or for the ones left behind.
I had a “dream” last week about my Aunt Betty – only this dream, i am now convinced, was an experience where my soul traveled and i met her soul somewhere “in between.” I HELD my Aunt Betty. I held her for a long, long hug. I FELT her skin. My fingers trailed from her wrist to her shoulder, feeling her soft skin.
We talked. She talked. I listened. I could see my grandparents and my uncle behind her, smiling, filled with joy. I wanted to go closer to see them and touch them as well. She would not let me.
Aunt Betty was beautiful, thin, in no pain, not suffering. She was smiling, joyous. She gave me a message and then she said it was time for me to go back. I didn’t want to go back. And when I woke up, I SOBBED all over again. It was as if she had just died all over again. The grief this week has been fresh and raw.
I desperately want to go back to where ever it was I went, to that in between place. The experience was incredible. But I am not sure I can take that intensity of grief again.
I don’t know what the purpose of all this is. But I know there is one. I know dying is hard work. I know grieving is hard work. I know love prevails over everything. I know my loved ones, even when they are dead, they are with me everywhere I go, with all my thoughts, all my feelings, all my energy. They are here with me now.
Being able to TOUCH my Aunt Betty last week was incomprehensible and amazing. Some of you will think it was a dream. Some of you completely understand what I yet cannot fully comprehend. So, Kari, please know Tom really is with you right now. He is beside you as you were beside him for the past year+. He is with God. He is not in pain, he is not suffering. One day, you will join him again. We will all be there and we will all be having one heck of a party filled with joy and love.