Posted on Apr 24, 2013 in Blog |

April 24th – I have accepted The Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge to write daily about my disease. #HAWMC @wegohealth

Write about something I taught my physician or my physician taught me.

I sent this note over a year ago to my physician, but thought it was a good marker for how much healing can happen.

I haven’t felt this ‘present’ in more than a decade. It’s been happening over the past two weeks. It’s an adjustment, truly. I keep looking around and seeing the world with a new pair of glasses. I am starting to be present for conversations, I am literally seeing more clearly, I’m remembering more data and remembering it better. I am working more efficiently.

It’s just all a lot of change, requiring some adjustment. I knew it would get better, but when it gets this much better, it’s a tremendous emotional adjustment.

I spent twenty years thinking I was losing my capabilities (and I was); thinking I would never get it back. It’s taken a year, but I’m starting to get it all back and it’s overwhelming and humbling. To get it back at the same time as my first book comes out and working on this second book, it’s a bit more to take in than I realized. It’s all good . . . just change. And we know how the Lyme patients love change . . .

Didn’t realize all the head trash I had fed myself to account for my losses. A few sessions of EMDR therapy and that will be gone.

Whereas you have been able to move forward in incremental steps to make your vision come true, I was stuck for two+ decades. I could see the dream, but I couldn’t work the steps forward. Now, literally in two weeks’ time, I’m getting the energy and mental capabilities back in a huge rush. It’s like coming out of anesthesia; you go from pure silence and darkness to the full rush of sounds, sights, and sensations in a matter of five seconds. It’s just a bit much to take in all at once.

To you, you are just doing your job. You understand the process. It’s data. You prescribe the meds, keep the systems in check. You see patients every day so you know as time passes, they improve.

To this patient, it’s miraculous and mysterious even when I know the data behind it. And it’s very, very emotional.

I trusted you to heal me. I had no idea I would get all this . . .

Thank you for giving me my life back.
Thank you for giving me my dreams back.