Posted on May 23, 2012 in Blog |
Yesterday, I had been in bed for four days; low grade fever, felt like shit, not enough energy to even do laundry. My big accomplishment of those four days: going out to dinner to celebrate a family member’s birthday. I was in bed until 5 pm that day and came home and went back to bed.
My anxiety was SKY HIGH. I KNEW I was sick. I wasn’t sure if it was a virus, a herx from my Lyme treatment, or both. And I thought it would never end. I thought I was lazy. I thought I was just being too negative about life and I needed to BUCK UP.
During these episodes, I have stopped contacting my LLMD until I have come out the other side; partially because I am sick and tired of crying in his office. Partially, because I tell myself that once I get on the other side, I can be more objective about what I tell him. But when I am IN this period, I KNOW I am not getting better. I KNOW my life is doomed to stay this way, filled with despair, brain fog, insurmountable fatigue; I will be sick the rest of my life.
This morning, I woke up with the usual back pain. My fever was gone, and I had the energy to get up and let the dogs outside.
Read that again: I had the energy to get up and let the dogs out.
The fatigue had lifted.
Today, I am better. Not well, but better. I went to work, I ran four errands: gas station, pharmacy, post office, and dry cleaner. I worked almost a full day, walked the dogs for half a mile, and at 7 pm, I am still clear headed. If you have Lyme, you know what a great achievement this is.
Today, I know I am healing; I am getting better. I know I was going through a herx, where my symptoms temporarily increase and then retract with a slight improvement in my overall condition.
It’s like night and day. Yesterday, I was desperate, angry, hopeless. Today, I almost feel normal.
So, I’m here to tell you to hang in there. It does get better. I am better.