Posted on Jan 31, 2011 in Blog |

Sometimes surrendering comes in phases. Today, I advanced to the next phase. I bought a cot to put in my office.

I own my own company. I am my own boss. For more than a year, I have tried to ‘tough it out’ and stay at work longer than I really should. Other times, I have given in and gone home early. Of course, the guilt comes home with me when I do. But I have also learned that when I stay too long, I get nothing done anyway, so it’s futile to stay.

But today was one of those times when the fatigue hit early and I was very frustrated at the prospect of leaving early.

When I first got the diagnosis and started treatment, I talked about getting a cot, but really thought it was like wimping out. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t; doesn’t really matter anymore. I just needed to figure out how to keep working during the day.

When I come home and lie down for half an hour, I can think again and can come back to work. So instead of coming home, I figure I can do this in the office and get more work done.

So, I’m sure someone will walk into the office tomorrow when I am lying down for the first time, trying to get the energy back, and it’s going to have to be ok with me.

Surrendering doesn’t mean I have to like it. It just means I have to DO it. The rest will follow. And hopefully, that includes the continued healing.